come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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