You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
