i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
