Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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