nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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