No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this boner is exhausting
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
