I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
