You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You made out with two different species that night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
