Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
