I wish I could punch you in the face.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
