Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
