i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
