I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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