At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
