My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So many bounce houses so little time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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