maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
