i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
