I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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