Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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