My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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