Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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