dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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