Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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