Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
