I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
