Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
