I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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