So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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