Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
