i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
