WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Come see our sink grown plant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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