do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
