Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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