we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize