non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
