I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
