great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize