youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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