I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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