threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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