You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
