I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
