The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
