Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
