Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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