you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
