I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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