we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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