I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
