i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
