I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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