I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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