Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize