Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
