DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My vagina just recognized that song.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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