We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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