Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
