My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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