She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
