if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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