I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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