shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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