i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
