You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
