I just threw up on my dentist
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize