she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
