Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize