you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
