the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
