I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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