im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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