doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
