Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
